The Rainbow project (2025) Finding myself creatively again

In the summer of 2025, I found myself creatively yearning after burnout and experiencing trauma; this is my story. (Get ready for a long and deep read!)

I’ve previously explained how I got into photography in a blog post here and briefly touched upon some of the difficulties I've experienced in another post here. This journal entry will delve a little deeper and hopefully help anyone else who is experiencing similar issues.

I’m a dyslexic and neurodivergent person who has creativity in my soul; it’s a massive part of who I am, and in that sense, the stress and pressure that I put on myself to be ‘perfect’ for my clients and the world is immeasurable, stemming from my passion and my past. I got burned out, and not only that, but other people's perceptions of me have caused trauma.

Let me explain, as a dyslexic and a neurodivergent person, I have to work extra hard at anything that I do; people who do not suffer from a learning disorder can’t comprehend the silent battles that people like me face. I wish there were an easy way to explain it, or for them to experience it for themselves, but I don’t think that I have the words or ability to do so.

Living with dyslexia and being dyslexic

Although common, dyslexia is often misunderstood, and everyone is different - just because you know a dyslexic, it doesn’t mean everyone is like that, just like other neurodiversities, such as ASD/ADHD. I can only say that I have to work really hard, and I mean really hard, at everything I do - and yet, what I do is always wrong in some way, to someone. The way I speak, the way I hold myself, the way I do things, I am constantly judged for. So, of course, I grew up hating myself and being extra hard on myself to be better than I was, because of how people had reacted to me - family, friends, teachers, work colleagues, and strangers on the internet, I was perceived as not good enough and I felt that way, always.

I process and see the world differently, and because of that, I am unique.

So, with that, when I became self-employed in 2010, I put my whole soul into my business, because it was me. I strived to better myself in all ways possible, to be the best businesswoman and photographer that I could. This meant taking as many courses as possible, evaluating my work regularly, seeking business mentors, and being part of photography societies and associations, among other things. I constantly aimed to provide the best that I could to my clients, to myself, and the world, because I knew that it would always be less than what most could provide, given my difficulties and the judgment I’ve faced as a dyslexic person.

Being stalked and harassed online

Now, I never imagined that I would say that sentence (nor would it continue for years), but here we are! It began in the summer of 2018, and I wasn’t in a good place, which made everything 100 times worse. The previous year, I had split from my long-term partner, my husband, and my children’s father, and taken it badly; my mental health was poor, and I was seeking professional help from multiple agencies, because it was so bad. So, when Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum popped up out of nowhere, it gave me a bit of a shock, because I had been in business for 8 years at the time, with not one problem. I had approximately three minor issues with clients, considering my difficulties, I don’t think that's bad at all. (Anyone who says they have never had a problem in their business is a liar; it’s impossible to be a perfect business!)

Anyway, Tweedle Dee was a photographer who opened a studio in town, along with their partner, Tweedle Dum. They had big opinions of me, and not very nice ones, which is being polite. Those opinions I took to heart because I was in a bad place, and it killed my confidence, stopped my creativity, and damaged my soul. Though I continued with my business, because I had my children’s lives in my hands, the pain was deep, I mean, shattering. Looking back now, it wouldn’t have affected me if I had been in a stable place, but with most bullies, they seek out those who are different, those who are struggling, and those they are envious of, and that was me.

However, the point is that I stopped being creative; my passion for my work dwindled, and I became burned out. COVID-19, of course, did not help matters either, and it wasn’t until 2021 that I was able to heal, regain my health, and achieve stability.

I now accept myself as a dyslexic thinker, and other people’s opinions do not define me. I know in my heart that I try hard in everything that I do, and that is enough. My complaints have been minimal, and my work is of a good standard. I am a skilled businesswoman and photographer, although it has burned me out, striving for perfection, pushing myself to work so hard, and juggling life as a neurodivergent mother with invisible illnesses and trauma. Which, I know, many people can’t truly understand, nor appreciate, and therefore, I will never be enough for those people, and finally, I couldn’t care less about them.

But, good news! I’m feeling so positive, healthy, and thriving that I've rediscovered my passion. I'm yearning for creativity, art, and my future, and I'm in love with life. I’m currently working on a personal fine art project, The Rainbow Project.

This project involves my daughter as my model, the colors of the rainbow, and the themes that I love, or am interested in.

Red: Phoenix(Fire)

Orange: Sunset vibes

Yellow: Flowers

Green: Mother Earth

Blue: Mermaid dreams

Purple: Crystals

Brown: Steampunk

Pink: Regency/period time

Each color has a £50 budget, involves two locations each, and is aimed to be vivid in color, representing a part of me.

The first color done was Blue, and the location was Marsh Yard beach. You can see pictures for this project here.

My final message is for anyone struggling: is to hold on. If I had given up, I would not be in such a fantastic place in my life, completely proud of my progress, and reinvigorated with my art. Which can happen to you too (and it may take some time—it took me a long time!). Sometimes, we must go through storms to become stronger, wiser, and able to help others, all to be a better version of ourselves. That, also sucks, but we all go through some form of crap in our lives. I went through some dark days, I didn’t want to be alive at times, I cried hard and hurt myself, only to learn that I wasn’t the weak one, it’s the people who were was involved in the hate towards me, and people who are strong, healthy, and confident with themselves and their lives, do not need to harass, stalk, and hurt other people to make themselves feel good. If someone is giving you stress, it means they see something in you that they envy. Or need to let off their negative steam, and you’re the target, because they lack emotional intelligence. You are worthy, and you shouldn’t have to endure hell to exist, but you can overcome anything with time and hard work.

And like I said, it be long, it be deep, and I know someone is reading this thinking, of f%!* off you freak, yet I’m here living my best life, open, honest, and unbothered.

Love and light, Victoria Louise.